Hanna's love and pain
by Lord Jeremy Silver
Summary: Adult Hanna Marin look back on what her life has been like. The bad days and the good days.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars.**

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**Hanna's love and pain**

**Adult Hanna's POV:**

**Hi, everyone!**

**My name's Hanna Clarissa Marin and I'm a beautiful blonde woman. I have a perfect skinny sexy body and I look like the sort of woman most men dream about.**

**Some would say that I've got a life with no problems and maybe I do, but if I do, things were in no way always like that.**

**A long time ago I was chubby and very insecure.**

**I was part of a group along with Ali, Aria, Em and Spencer, but I was always the less cool one. Ali even gave me that stupid fuckin' nickname 'Hefty Hanna'.**

_**Flashback to when Hanna and the other girls are 12 years old:**_

Hanna walk up to her locker in school, open it and grab her math-books.

"Hi, Hefty Hanna! What's goin' on?" says Alison as she suddenly appear next to Hanna.

Alison has one of her classic evil / sexy smiles on her face. She also wear new cool clothes. Tight black leather top and gray skinny jeans and white shoes.

"Nothin'...just the regular crap." says Hanna in a sad voice without even looking at Alison.

"Hanna, you need to do something about that fat body of yours if you don't wanna die a virgin." says Alison in a soft voice, a voice that would friendly if it came from someone else's mouth.

"I could try the local gym, but people would laugh at me, cuz I'm the fat loser." says Hanna, who almost start to cry.

"Awww, lil' Hanna!" says Alison as she hug her friend.

"Hi, girls!" says Aria as she open her locker.

( Aria has her locker next to Hanna's )

Aria does a hair-flip with her dark hair with pink highlights.

"Aria, you look kinda sexy today. Me likey." says Alison as she wink at Aria.

"Oh, gee...thanks!" says Aria as she blush a bit.

Suddenly Alison feel a hand on her shoulder.

She turn around to see Spencer with a pile of books under her left arm.

"Ladies, we're almost late for class." says Spencer in her typical calm mature voice. "We should get goin' now."

"Hi, girls!" says Emily with her cute cheerful voice as she walk up to her friends.

"Hi, Em!" says Aria as she give Emily a friendly hug. "Apparently we're late...at least that is what Spencie tells us."

"Don't call me Spencie anymore. I hate it." says Spencer.

"Sorry..." says Aria. "I think it's kinda cute."

"Aria, please! We're not 5 years old here." says Spencer.

The 5 girls walk to class together, talking about clothes, make-up and boys and such on the way.

_**End of flashback.**_

**I was always sort of an outsider in our friend-team. The girl who was way too shy to have an opinion about important stuff.**

**Aria and I has always been best friends, but during those early years after we had met Ali things went a little downhill between me and Aria.**

**I wasn't cool enough in Ali's eyes and Aria started to hang out with Ali more and more by the week to gain some popularity-score and seem hot in front of boys.**

**Every night I used to cry myself to sleep, dreamin' about being skinny and awesome. Havin' guys turn head after me wherever I go.**

**A few years later the ironic faith gave me the opportunity to become skinny and sexy. **

**When Ali died I ( together with Mona ) became the new popular girl at Rosewood High. **

**I was so fuckin' happy! Finally I looked like the girl I was in my dreams. Now I could be as pretty on the outside as I am on the inside.**

_**Flashback to the day when new skinny and beautiful Hanna goes out in public for the first time:**_

Hanna is walking down the street. She's wearing a short tight purple dress and she has black shoes with 5,5 inch silver-heels.

"I can feel people's eyes on me. Thank God for being beautiful. No more 'Hefty Stupid Hanna' ever again." says Hanna to herself.

"Hi there, Han! Talkin' to ourselves are we? That's kinda strange, but also so cute." says Mona as she suddenly walk out in front of Hanna from seemingly nowhere.

"Mona. Nice to see you. You're my real friend." says Hanna.

The two girls hug each other.

_**End of flashback.**_

**I was such a fuckin' airhead.**

**Mona made me think that she was my friend, even though she was...you know...'A'.**

**How could I be so much of a kid...?**

**Life was never easy for long for younger me.**

**Often did I ask myself and God this question: "Won't things ever be good and calm for little Hanna?"**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'll never forget the day when I met Aria, Emily and Spencer again after our time apart. When Ali died we all kinda went in different ways, but then faith brought us all together again and then the whole thing with 'A' began...**

_**Flashback to the night after Alison's funeral:**_

In her bedroom, Hanna look at old photos of herself with Ali, Aria, Em and Spencer back when they were all happy together, before Ali's death.

"Those were good times..." says Hanna to herself, crying a little. "Yes, I was chubby at the time, but things were still good. This damn 'A' person wasn't after us and we could all be normal young girls."

Hanna thinks of what a year apart has changed for her and the other girls. She herself has become skinny and popular, Aria no longer have pink in her hair and all the joy is gone.

"I sure hope this crap with 'A' and everything's over soon, cuz I don't need more problems in my life." says Hanna to herself as she change clothes in front of her mirror.

Even though Hanna is no longer the chubby 'Hefty Hanna' that she was back when Ali was still alive that's still the Hanna she sometimes see in the mirror and now is one of those times, without a doubt.

_**End of flashback.**_

**Sure, I'm happy that what happened made me get back together as friends with Aria and the others, but all this stuff with 'A' was not fun and at the time I didn't even know that it would go on for so long.**

**What Aria, Spencer, Emily and I have gone through is more than any girl should have to deal with. My friends and I have seen enough pain and sadness to last several lifetimes and beyond.**

**I made my best to enjoy life, like goin' shopping with Mona and such.**

_**Flashback to a few days after Ali's funeral:**_

Hanna and Mona walk through the mall.

"Are you okey, Hanna?" says Mona.

"Sure I am. Never better." says Hanna, trying to sound as cool as possible.

"You know, if you wanna talk, I'm right here for you." says Mona in a sweet calm tone. "Hanna, you're my best friend."

**If only I'd known how NOT true that was. Mona was never really my friend.**

"Thanks, Mona. Nice to have a friend like you to watch my back." says Hanna with a small smile.

**Oh my gosh! I said that she was my friend. I called 'A' my friend. Well...I didn't know it at the time, but now the thought makes me sick.**

_**End of flashback.**_

**How could I be so fuckin' naive and allow Mona to deceive me like that...? I should've seen through her act. **

**Lookin' back at it, everything seem so obvious. We were all such kids in a way who didn't guess that Mona was evil.**

_**Flashback to when Hanna eats those 'pig-cupcakes' just because 'A' forced her to do so:**_

Thousands of thoughts spin around in Hanna's head as she eats those stupid cupcakes that 'A' has made for her. Hanna feel pain in her soul with every single bite.

She really doesn't wanna eat those cupcakes, but she kinda know that she has to. If she doesn't things might get even worse.

"Who the fuck make me do this? Who can be so cruel to me?" thinks Hanna to herself.

Hanna can see Noel and his gang making fun of her.

"Noel...can he be 'A'...?" thinks Hanna as she try to, against her own free will force down the last of the cupcakes.

_**End of flashback.**_

**These days I stay away from cupcakes. Why? They remind me of my days as 'Hefty Hanna' and that's a part of my life I'd like to forget.**

**I didn't throw up after eatin' those 'pig-cupcakes' as 'A' wanted me to. I'm proud of myself for the fact that I didn't. **

**Good goin' there, Hanna!**

**Even though we now no longer have to face the constant threat of 'A' there are still moments when stuff remind me of all the evil that's hurt me over the years and that make my self-esteem tremble in the foundation and inside I go right back to feelin' like a shy insecure little girl again.**

**Thank God I have my wonderful husband to keep me safe and happy these days.**

**Who's my husband you might ask?**

**It's Caleb, but now we're skipping ahead here...**

**Where was I...?**

**Oh...the stupid cupcakes, yes.**

**Just as I ate the last of 'em, Aria appeared and got rid of Noel and his henchmen.**

**Aria is a true friend. She care about me and help me whenever she can. I'm lucky to have a friend like her. She's been a total lifesaver more than once.**

**I still hang out with her a lot. She'll always be my best friend.**

**Aria as well as Caleb and my daughter Ella Ashley Marin - Rivers are the glory and sunshine in my life. Without them I'd find it hard to keep going.**

**Yes, my daughter's name is Ella Ashley...named after Aria's mom and my mom.**

**Since Aria has always been my friend I gave her the honor of choosing my daughter's first name and both Aria and me agreed that Ella would be a very good name.**

**For a while I actually considered Alison as a name for my little girl, but I decided against it, since that name would bring back so many sad memories for me.**

**My mom was a pretty awesome woman, even if we didn't always get along perfectly so I took her name as my daughter's middle-name in honor of her.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so happy that things are calm and peaceful here in Rosewood these days. Now that there are no more 'A' out there who can destroy my life I can finally relax and enjoy things again. Things like love and friendship.**

**Love with my handsome man Caleb and friendship with Aria, Emily and also Paige, who's now Emily's wife. Yes, Em and Paige are married now.**

**We all have love. I'm with Caleb. Aria is with Ezra. Emily is with Paige. Spencer is with Toby. Toby? Some of you might say "Wait a sec? He was on the A-team" and yes, he was, but only because he was forced to by 'Big A' and not because he wanted to. He really care about Spencer and after we found out who the mastermind behind the A-team was and sent that damn freak to jail once and for all, Spencer forgave Toby for what he'd done since he never did any of it willingly and they've been so in love ever since.**

**Awww, Spencer...I'm so happy for you! It really broke your heart when it seemed like Toby was our enemy. You deserve to be happy, Spence.**

**We all deserve to be happy after what we've been through over the years.**

**Sometimes I'm surprised that Aria, Emily, Spencer and I have been able to survive all the shit that 'A' has thrown at us and stay sane and not lose the very thing that make us who we are on the way. I guess friendship and love is stronger than evil and hate can ever be.**

**These days my life is awesome! Caleb and I have a nice life together here in sweet Rosewood. I'm workin' as a fashion-designer and Caleb is the boss of a small computer-company.**

**My daughter's in fourth grade and she's so much like me, all sweet and cute. She look almost exactly like me at that age.**

**All of us have our own lives now, but Ari, Hanna, Spencer, Emily and I still see each other pretty often...and Paige usually hang out with us too.**

**I haven't always been much of a fan of Paige, but she's actually a really sweet and cool woman and now I can't see why I didn't like her back when we were younger.**

**Maybe I thought she'd take our dear Emily away from us...**

**Maybe I was afraid that she'd hurt Em's feelings or break Em's heart or something...**

**Fortunately none of those things happened and Emily finally have true love with Paige.**

**Actually now that I think about it they are perfect for each other. They are both swimmers and they both like to wear casual clothes.**

**Em, I'm happy for you and Paige!**

**Aria was the first one of us to get married and have a kid. She and Ezra are proud parents of a very beautiful daughter.**

**I was the second one. Me and Caleb was so happy the day when our little Ella Ashley was born.**

**Spence and Toby still have no kids though, but I talked to Emily last week and she told me that Paige and her are thinkin' about adoption. Not really much of a surprise. I know that Emily has always wanted to be a mom. She'll be a very good mom, I'm sure.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Caleb is my soul-mate. I love him so much and he love me too.**

**He was my first real boyfriend after the total crap-thing with Sean.**

**Also Caleb was the first man...actually the only man I've ever had sex with, because I've been faithful to my Caleb ever since.**

_**Entry from Hanna's diary from the night when she lost her virginity with Caleb:**_

Dear Diary!

Caleb and me have had sex. And it was awesome! Better than in my dreams.

Finally...I'm not a 'little girl' anymore. Hanna Clarissa Marin is now 100% woman.

Yay!

I'll never forget this.

One of the best things that's ever happened to me.

Glory to me.

**I was right. I never forgot about that.**

**Of course, Caleb and I've had sex many times since then, but it's still just as good every single time.**

**You know what they say about how your first time is supposed to be special and such? To me it was, without a doubt.**

**Now let's talk about something else, cuz I kinda blush a bit here.**

**What should I talk about now?**

**Oh, Aria!**

**Aria and I have been friends since we met at the playground when we were 7.**

**She was my first real friend. I often think about that day. What would things be like if I hadn't met Aria? **

**Maybe I'd still be 'Hefty Hanna' who has no friends? Ewww, creepy thought!**

**Would Caleb and I be married...? Probably not...**

**Me and Aria are very similar and I believe that's why she and I are such good friends.**

**I say this all the time, but Aria has saved my butt from danger more times than I can remember and I can never pay her back for that. Not that I have to...**

**Aria helps me for free, cuz she's my friend.**

_**Flashback to the playground at Rosewood Park when Hanna and Aria were 7 years old:**_

Aria, a little dark-haired girl is playing with her dolls alone by a tree. Most kids find her weird so she play alone.

Suddenly a blonde girl, the same age as Aria walk up to her. "Hi, wanna play?" says the blonde girl.

"Anyone actually wanna play with me, the dorky kid...?" says Aria surprised.

"I'm new here! You seem nice!" says the blonde girl. "I'm Hanna, by the way. Hanna Marin!"

"I'm Aria Montgomery!" says Aria with a smile.

_**End of flashback.**_

**Awww, Aria!**

**I could never ask for a better BFF than you.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Life as a married woman is wonderful.**

**It's so nice to able to go out in public without being afraid that 'A' might stab me in the back or something like that.**

**Sometimes you'll find me lookin' over my shoulder whenever I go out at night, even though there's nothing for me to fear. Guess it's an old habit.**

**Like I said before, the one of the other girls I spend the most time with is Aria.**

**Unless I happen to be out of town I visit Alison's grave and light a candle for her on her birthday.**

**For some reason I'm the only one who actually does that.**

**Kinda weird that Emily never do stuff like that...**

**Emily and Ali were so close.**

**Oh...**

**Seems like that's all I think about to tell you.**

**Thanks for hangin' out with me and listen to me talking about my life and such. I'm happy that you took some time off from your own busy lifestyle to spend some time with Hanna Clarissa Marin, the awesome blonde from Rosewood.**

**Bye!**


End file.
